Feeling Alive
by kristyhes
Summary: Everyone is said to have that one moment in their life. That one single moment where everything changes. For Clarke, it never really happened. Or perhaps, she never really noticed it. But what she does notice is the constant presence of a certain Bellamy Blake in her life.
**First Bellarke/The 100 fanfic ever. Let me know what you think ;) Also, I don't own anything except the plot. ^_^**

Everyone is said to have that one moment.

That one single moment when everything changes.

Clarke thought of herself as a smart woman, that's what her family and friends always told her anyway. So, it came as quite a shock to her that she never really realized how a certain sarcastic, freckled-faced guy always seemed to pop up in many, if not, the most important moments of her life.

You couldn't blame her though, because she had always considered him merely the noisy boy next door up to her 11th birthday.

Her mother really did outdo herself on that day. One would think that it was an adult's birthday party instead of a 11-year-old girl, if not for the Disney Theme. Clarke had looked like a true princess though, dressed in her Rapunzel costume.

That was the day that she properly met the Blake's. Octavia (she had absolutely loved the name at the time and still does) had been overly excited to be invited to a birthday party and had looked lovely in her Sleeping Beauty.

"I know I'm not blond but I really wanted to wear Aurora's costume. She has the same name as my mommy, you see." Octavia had explained.

Then there was a dark haired boy, a few feet behind Octavia, who looked like he would rather be anywhere else than at the party. Funnily enough, his costume matched that of Clarke as he was dressed as Flynn Rider.

Having been brought up by Abby Griffin, Clarke knew that a few things were expected from her and being the ever polite little girl, she smiled at the newcomer. He looked like he was a few years older than herself, but that certainly wouldn't prevent him from playing with her, was what the little blond thought. Besides, he had a little sister so he surely, he was used to hanging around girls younger than him.

"Hello!" she greeted him. "I'm Octavia's new friend, Clarke."

The boy looked at her in a bored manner.

"Bellamy," he said looking her up and down before adding with an amused smirk, "Princess."

And that was that.

During the following years, this was what their conversations consisted of: a simple "hello" Clarke would go over to their place and he would always be the one to answer the door. Even when they bumped into each other in the street, there would a single nod from both parties in terms of greeting.

As Clarke recalled it later, it was what was expected from them. She was Octavia's best friend and he was only her best friend's annoying big brother. They certainly couldn't have been friends at that time with the way they always scowled at each other and the harsh words exchanged between them. Octavia never understood the animosity between her brother and her best friend and neither did Clarke.

It was true that the way he had called her a princess on their first meeting had annoyed her, but she had simply thought that he wasn't great with meeting new people. Much to her dismay, he _was_ good with new people, just not with her. And Clarke being one who wanted people to like her, had tried everything to make the older Blake think of her as a friend but in vain.

Then came the deaths. She should have seen it as the big change in her life-in both of their lives- but she didn't, too overwhelmed by grief, anger and hate. The grief was expected because it was painful to lose someone you loved and she loved her Dad more than anything in this world. It was the anger and hate that was surprising, well not really, considering the circumstances that had indirectly contributed to Jake Griffin's death.

Her Dad had a few errands to run in town when he had seen Abby from across the road. She was not alone. Having witness his wife with another man, _kissing_ another man, he went back to his car to go back home. Abby had seen him and had tried to go after him but he was already gone. When her mother had explained to her what happened, she had been furious. A few hours later, they had received a visit from a police officer informing them that Jake had died in a car accident.

Clarke had become hysteric after hearing the news. She had yelled and cried at her mother, shouting that she was the one responsible for her father's death. That if she had stayed faithful to her husband, he wouldn't have been in the car accident. She had been overcome by a hurt so painful that when it subsided, it had left her numb. But not enough that she didn't hear what the policeman said next.

"There was another woman in the car crash. Her name is Aurora Blake."

Clarke's head shot up so quickly that she actually heard the "crack" coming from her neck. Her mind went racing at full speed, questions popping up in her head: _Aurora Blake? What was she doing in the car crash? Was she the other driver? Or was she with Dad? Why would she be with him?_

A single horrible answer to the last question came to her mind but she immediately dismissed it. No, her Dad would _never_ do something like that. He was not like her _mother._

"…in a critical condition. She was admitted at Ark's Hospital a few minutes earlier."

"Thank you offi-" but Abby was cut off by a firm voice.

"I'm going to the hospital."

She turned to look at her daughter. Clarke had put on a determined expression but her usually expressive blue eyes were blank. It physically pained Abby to see her daughter like that.

Clarke stared hard into her mother's eyes and repeated, "I'm going to the hospital. Octavia needs me."

About 15 minutes later, Clarke was rushing into the emergency unit of Ark's Hospital.

"I need to know in what room is Aurora Blake." She told the receptionist.

"Are you a family member?"

"No but-" but the woman cut her off.

"I'm sorry Miss but only family members are allowed…" what she said next was lost to Clarke's ears as she noticed a familiar figure in the corridor in front of her.

"Bellamy!" she exclaimed with relief.

The figure turned at the sound of his name and his eyes zeroed on her. A shocked look was etched upon his face before he masked it with a scowl and walked towards her. Clarke hurried to meet him halfway.

"Bellamy! I heard what happened. How are you and Octavia? What about your Mum?" she asked anxiously.

"What are you doing here, Clarke?" came Bellamy's gruff response.

"What?" said Clarke, surprise coloring her voice. "What do you mean?"

"I mean what are you doing here, in this hospital? Hasn't your family done enough?" he asked angrily.

"What are you talking about? I-" but she was cut off the second time that evening.

"Don't you think I know with whom my mother was with in this car? With your father! That's who she was with!" he said, his voice gradually raising as he got angrier. " _He_ was the one behind the wheel. _He_ was the one who wasn't paying enough attention and who didn't see the kid crossing the road. _My_ mother is now dead because of _your_ father!"

The words hit her hard but she let him have a go at her anyway. Her heart was weeping for the lost life of Aurora who had also been a victim of what had happened. She kept thinking about Octavia whose father had already left when she had been a kid and now she had also lost her mother.

But most of all, her heart was aching for the boy -no man- before her, who now had the responsibility of a 17-year-old on his shoulders. Clarke herself was the same age as Octavia and she definitely could take care of herself, but still it shouldn't be the responsibility of a 20-year-old. She looked at him, really looked at him and noticed his bloodshot eyes, the ruffled hair and the tear tracks still visible on his cheeks. And before she fully realized her actions, she was hugging him.

Bellamy's stilled in whatever he was saying, because she hadn't been paying attention and couldn't recalled what he said after she zoned out. She stepped on her tiptoes so that her mouth could at least reach his right ear and whispered, "I'm so sorry."

Clarke felt his whole body shaking, at first she thought that it was due to the anger and that he was going to push her away. Then she felt something liquid on her shoulder and that's when she realized that he was in fact crying. Bellamy Blake was crying on her literally crying on her shoulder while they were hugging.

She didn't know for how long they stood like that, in the hospital's corridor, clinging to each other but to her it seemed like an eternity. When they finally let go of each other, she looked up to see Bellamy watching her with an expression that she couldn't decipher on his face.

"He died too, didn't he?" It was more of a statement than a question.

Swallowing the heavy lump in her throat, Clarke nodded.

"I'm sorry." He said.

She nodded once again but she knew that he wasn't only showing sympathy but that he was also apologizing for the harsh words he had said earlier. He didn't know it but she had forgiven him even before he had apologized.

The funerals passed in blur for Clarke, the only thing that she could recall from her father's funeral was the vivid image of her mother and Marcus Kane, their family's lawyer, holding hands. She knew that she should have been furious that he had dared to come but she couldn't bring herself to care.

One positive thing that came out of all of this was that Bellamy and her had grown closer. She wished that it wasn't such a tragic situation that brought them closer, though.

The months that followed were mostly spent at the Blake's house. Bellamy had been able to keep the house and had obtained custody of Octavia. He was juggling between 2 part-time jobs to provide for his sister, and going to the community college. She thought that it was great of him to take care of his sister like that and even a blind man could see how much Bellamy loved Octavia.

As for the relationship between her and the older Blake, it was slowly changing from I-hugged-you-and-cried-on-your-shoulder-in-a-moment-of-weakness-but-we-are-not-friends to a steady friendship. They still argued that's for sure but their arguments were now lighter and the way he called her "Princess" became more of a pet name than an insult.

Also, she thought that it was cliché, very cliché but she couldn't help but notice how cute he looked when he was biting his lower lip while reading one of his many books, or when he went into a rant on the Greek god of war.

It was totally predictable to fall for her best friend's brother and Clarke considered herself to be far from predictable. But you can't choose you fall for and she fell hard for Bellamy.

She was waiting for her 18th birthday to let him know of her feelings because if there was a slight possibility that he might feel the same, she knew that he wouldn't engage in a relationship with a minor. She was impatient to let him know all about it and fortunately she had obtained Octavia's approval.

Everything seemed to go perfectly.

But then Bellamy enrolled for the US Army.

Clarke remembered that she could feel her heart shattering on that day. It was almost the same pain that she felt when her father died. He said that he wanted to feel useful and now that Octavia was going to college, that the only way for him to feel that was in the army. She wanted to tell him that he could be useful here, useful and _safe_ by her side. But she knew that she couldn't be that selfish and that's why she let him go without letting him know what she felt for him.

They kept contact through letters and she went to Octavia's place for Skype calls. She dated a few people. Finn had been wonderful until she realized that he already had a girlfriend of 3 years and that she was the other woman. But Raven turned out to be quite a good friend after they had dealt with Finn and quickly became one of the most important persons in her life.

Then there had been Lexa, she was beautiful but in the end they didn't have the same priorities and after 3 months together, they finally decided to part ways. Clarke had a few other short (very short) relationships but she always went back to that place in her heart that held Bellamy.

One Saturday night, she was having a movie night in her apartment when Octavia barged in unannounced.

"O, you really need to start knocking. What if I was in the middle of something here?" she scolded her good-naturedly.

"He's coming back!" she exclaimed excitedly.

"What?" Clarke asked, confused.

"Bellamy! He's coming back tomorrow!" she said jumping all around the room.

Clarke felt her heart skip a beat before stuttering. "W-what? B-but, how?"

"A lot of things about how he had greatly served his country but he wanted to come back and they let him! They let him come back as long as he taught in a military school like the one near the bell tower. He's coming back home Clarke!"

Clarke hadn't slept at all that night and the next morning as she was at O's place all sorts of things passed through her mind. What was she going to do? Would he remember her? Of course! But would they still be the same?

Her line of thoughts was interrupted by a shriek followed by the thud of a body colliding with one another.

"Bell!" exclaimed Octavia.

There he was, more handsome than ever in his uniform. He hadn't even been able to put down his bag before Octavia had jumped on him.

"You got heavy, O" and that voice, one that she hadn't heard for so long.

He was still smiling at his sister when he looked up and finally noticed her standing by the couch. Bellamy got the same look that he had the night that she had hugged him at the hospital and before she knew it, she was in his arms.

Clarke couldn't think of another moment where she had been happier. Being engulfed in his arms was like heaven and she finally had a bit of hope that maybe everything would be alright after all.

Because no one made her feel more alive than Bellamy Blake.


End file.
